Another chance...

Vanishing of the moon as the sun shows its warm and gentle face
Snow melts as the affectionate touch of the rain caresses its cold exterior coat
Heating up its interior as though someone that you long for has told you those three words you have been waiting so patiently to hear
Cold nights have become warmer days
New day
New start
New adventures
You now have another chance
To explore
To grow
To feel
To love
Another chance to just live…

Impossible To Ignore

Random
Time
Music
Love
The heat flushes across my face and I try to process everything that has been given...
Or tossed...
No, rather thrown towards the direction that I am facing.
Preventing me from taking that next step.
Should I continue on, or submerge back realizing that not everything is what it seems?
Am I strong enough to deal with the decision I have to make?
Can only blame myself for what is to come of this.
Sunny days blend into warm nights, but end up in cold mornings.
Destiny has changed yet again.
I have become the timid little girl that I once was.
This time, it may be permanent…

Back To...Where?

Wandering.
Lost, confused, alone.
Not scared, not worried.
Tears flowing with no purpose.
I am just existing.
One minute I'm here.
The next minute I'm there.
After that I'm in another place.
Sometimes even two places at once.
Maybe if I just sit.
No.
Never stop.
But what if I need to?
I can't.
I am weak.
No I'm not.
Need to find the way back.
Where is back?
The beginning?
The past?
To where everything made sense?
No.
To the future.
No looking back.
Head first into the infinite fixation in which people call life.
No fears.
No confusion.
The light is bright.
But somehow, I still feel murky.
This too shall pass...or will it?

Avoidable

The inevitable happened.
Rising of the sun from the darkness of the night.
The sequence of events so rapidly occurring.
One day with rain, and the next with a blinding light.
Am I the only one that sees them?
Is it my imagination that brings me to a place of solitude?
Or is this all really happening?
This all looks familiar.
But wait, I predicted the out come.
No one believed me. Let it happen.
That's what I did. I'm back to being right.
Maybe is me.
The way I am, the way I look, the way I present myself.
Maybe not
Too many signs, not wanting them to be seen though.
Close my eyes and try to go back to before it happened.
Slowly releasing the grip of my eyelids but my scenery is the same.
The inevitable didn't happen, the avoidable did...

Red

5 years
2 months
I see the same color
From that day
August
2005
Blocked the exact day out
Too much pain, hurt, confusion
Same color, same toxic, different cause
More pain than before
Different emotions involved
Depression becomes me
Not again
Dont want it to be
No where to turn
What do I do?
Lost in my own world
Tears, anger, numbness, dizzy
Is it that time or not?
Dont know
Back to my shelter
Nothing left to feel...

Numb

Numb...no sense of fear, happiness, hope, rage, jealousy, like, lust, love...nothing.
Mad at myself for allowing such a diminutive feeling overtake me.
Annoyed that it all happened at the wrong time.
Irritated that the order was incorrect.
Dissappointed that i let me guard down.
It has happened.
Nothing I can do can change that.
All i can do now is, how can i put it, "charge it to the game".
Cant see through all the pain and tears that flow from my eyes.
Cant stop crying from something that never really was and never should have been.
Would i change it all if i could?
Yes.
What would i change?
That the summit was reversed.
That the latter was the first.
That things worked out better for the both.
The past is the past...but they were not trying to let it go.
I respected that.
If things happen, then i shall not stop it.
But at this point, nothing is promised and i must let all come to pass...

Emotionless...

Its funny how one day you can feel so happy and so much in like
And then the next day, you feel so alone, so used, so unappreciated
Feeling so blah is not the way to be
which is how it has to be some days
I miss the way you caressed my face as your soft lips kissed me tenderly
I miss the way you held me as i drifted off into a blissful slumber
Those things make me miss the idea of having that one person who completes me
But as of right now, i feel no emotion
No happiness, no sadness, no anger, no jealousy, no pain
Random thoughts run through my mind and you would think i would have something
Seeing you with my competition....i feel nothing
Maybe this is my heart telling me not to fight anymore
No need to chase after something that doesnt want to be caught
Maybe it is the time to let it go and let whatever be
So many thoughts but nothing can be conveyed....
I am officially numb....