Back To...Where?

Wandering.
Lost, confused, alone.
Not scared, not worried.
Tears flowing with no purpose.
I am just existing.
One minute I'm here.
The next minute I'm there.
After that I'm in another place.
Sometimes even two places at once.
Maybe if I just sit.
No.
Never stop.
But what if I need to?
I can't.
I am weak.
No I'm not.
Need to find the way back.
Where is back?
The beginning?
The past?
To where everything made sense?
No.
To the future.
No looking back.
Head first into the infinite fixation in which people call life.
No fears.
No confusion.
The light is bright.
But somehow, I still feel murky.
This too shall pass...or will it?

Avoidable

The inevitable happened.
Rising of the sun from the darkness of the night.
The sequence of events so rapidly occurring.
One day with rain, and the next with a blinding light.
Am I the only one that sees them?
Is it my imagination that brings me to a place of solitude?
Or is this all really happening?
This all looks familiar.
But wait, I predicted the out come.
No one believed me. Let it happen.
That's what I did. I'm back to being right.
Maybe is me.
The way I am, the way I look, the way I present myself.
Maybe not
Too many signs, not wanting them to be seen though.
Close my eyes and try to go back to before it happened.
Slowly releasing the grip of my eyelids but my scenery is the same.
The inevitable didn't happen, the avoidable did...

Red

5 years
2 months
I see the same color
From that day
August
2005
Blocked the exact day out
Too much pain, hurt, confusion
Same color, same toxic, different cause
More pain than before
Different emotions involved
Depression becomes me
Not again
Dont want it to be
No where to turn
What do I do?
Lost in my own world
Tears, anger, numbness, dizzy
Is it that time or not?
Dont know
Back to my shelter
Nothing left to feel...